Success with the McJob hunting

Well, I am entering the ranks of the employed. But the temporary position, engaged in for the sole reason to bring in some extra dough, is completely underwhelming. I'm still praying for a job to fulfill my emotional, professional, and financial needs.

I'm just answering the phones after hours and a bit on the weekends for a local company. I hope I will be providing you with quality post after post about the people I work with and the people I'll be "helping" on the phone. I have signed a non-disclosure agreement, so I might have to get creative when I weave my tales, but I anticipate that the stories will be mostly true.

So without further ado, here's a story from my first day at work.

You have to take a drug test to be hired by this joint (heh, heh, so punny!), which is really new and different for me. I've never taken a drug test in my life. So, I'm thinking, heck, is one of these chicks going to watch me pee? I didn't even wear my nice underwear. But no, it's a swab you stick in your mouth, which absorbs saliva, and that looks a bit like a tiny tampon. Like a tampon for a hamster. The girl beside me, who has a tattoo on her neck of two Chinese characters (words), informs me she will gag. She can't stand anything in her mouth, she says. I think, well, eating must be a bit of a challenge. Instead of saying that, I ask what her tattoo means. Older Sister, she tells me. Cool.

Anyway, there is another woman there, coincidentally, also with a tattoo at the base of her neck.

Quick aside: I find tattoos compelling, but will never get one. Why? Here's my take on it. Imagine choosing one item of clothing today. Put it on, and never take it off again. Even if it goes out of style, even if fades. Even if you don't like it anymore. Even if you see lots of the same item on people everywhere you go. You will be wearing that item to every wedding, job interview and event for the rest of your life. If you lose 50 pounds, tough, you still have to wear it. If you gain 50 pounds, guess what! Still wearing it. Now imagine that item 70 years from now, when you are OLD. You're still wearing it, and it looks NOTHING like the first day you got it. But you'll even be wearing it in your casket.

I don't have anything against anyone with a tattoo -- how can I? Some of my BEST friends have them. But it's just not for me. That being said, again, I am fascinated by tattoos. A well-done tattoo is a piece of art.

Anyway, here we are in line to chew on our drug tests and this second lady starts asking lots of questions about the drug test. Does it change color if it senses drugs, like a pregnancy test? ("Oh, it's purple! You're expecting ... to not get this job!") How long does it take? Will we know in a few minutes? (Nine minutes, the manager answered.) Can I wait? I mean, I'm not worried or anything. I just want to wait. So, how does that thing work that you put it in? Huh, it just sticks in there. Is there anything that can throw it off?

Dude, she would not shut up. I'll let you know if she's at work on Monday.

I turned in my test and left. Not worried, unless caffeine is on the proscribed drug list. Then I guess I'm out of a job. And that would be truly unfortunate, given the rich treasure trove of fodder this job will likely provide for the blog!