Gone too far: Defiling my hometown

GOP Barbie dropped in on my teenie hometown the other day. Read all about it. Then later that night again in the "city," she and Todd waived and completed the talent portion.

Little ray of light

I just wanted to mention that my mother in law rocks. She came to town and cared for the fam last week, walked children and dogs, baked cookies, cooked dinner, washed laundry and generally was a little fairy of domestic happiness. I love you, E.

Well, a girl has got to look her best!

Would someone please spend $150,000 on my wardrobe? No wonder GOP Barbie looks so damn fine! But, a girl has got to look her best, especially when she has nothing intelligent to say.

FYI. This is just ... pathetic.

A good friend of mine, who is coincidentally a victim of rape, shared this tidbit with me.

Barbie's municipality -- and the police chief who served under her -- were one of a few cities in the state of Alaska that were making victims pay $1,000 to process their own rape kits ... in a state where the rape rate is 2.5 times the national average.

GOP Barbie had no idea this was going on, say her supporters. I find that hard to believe. Her town has 7,000 inhabitants. That is 1/3 the size of Bittytown, where I live, friends, and I can tell you that our budget is less than a few million dollars -- and the administration knows how every cent is spent.

Basic human rights, people, include the right not to be victimized, then victimized again by your government. Just thought you might want to be informed what the potential next president of this country thinks about the rights of women, as evidenced by policy that she allowed to continue under one of her administrations.

Mommy Tip of the Day: Triumph over grossness

My cat, like everyone's cat, likes to sleep in the center of my kitchen table. The other day she decided she couldn't be bothered to get off the table in order to throw up, so she puked on one of the billion fliers Aron brought home from school. Unfortunately it was the color of the setting sun -- blaze orange with a dash of red. The school puts important news on such items because they think we will surely see it if it is so brightly colored. Apparently the educators here are unfamiliar with the "Code Red" phenomenon -- when it's always code red, then it never is.

Anyway, so, she puked on it. To quote my friend Summer, "NARSTY." Last night, after it was bone dry, I discovered it, huffed in frustration as I shot her a "why the crap do I have a cat again?" look and attempted to peel it off the table. HORROR. The color from the paper transferred in its entirety to the surface of the table. The result: a huge, red-orange spot on the center of the maple-colored table. It was as if it had been ironed on. I almost passed out.

I turned to my trusty laptop (read: ancient, but still working, thank goodness), also on the table but luckily not covered with puke, and searched Google for how to remove ink stain from a finished wood. In some random Yahoo answers discussion forum, several recommendations were made. Some were chemicals that I am fairly certain can only be purchased from your local meth dealer. The only thing on the list I had handy was non-gel toothpaste.

I squirted the whole tube on (it was a travel size). I rubbed and rubbed, then wiped and wiped. It was a miracle. With a little elbow grease, it came right up. In fact, that portion of the table is shiner and nicer than the rest of the table! So, stuff this equation in your lexicon, ladies: cat puke + school flier = stained table, but stained table + toothpaste = clean table.

And cats are really gross. Cute, furry and funny, but gross.

Who has the better slogans?

I still like you, too

Incredulous, a friend of mine learned Monday that I call myself a *gasp!* Democrat. After he recovered from the shock, he stated, "I still like you."

Well, I should certainly hope so. I'm the exact same person I always have been. There's nothing new here; it's the same me. If you thought you knew me, but now find out you didn't know everything, there's no need to point fingers. We are both at fault, but there's no harm done.

We are still friends, and we'll both be here in our same lives after this is all said and done.

You'll still be you, and I'll still be me.

And I still like you, too.

Your mama wears combat boots

Yes, his full name is Barack Hussein Obama. And how nice of the aged bullies on the playground to keep bringing it up, as if it proves something. Plenty of us have middle names that are an embarassment -- and the fault for that lies squarely on the shoulders of our parents.

This is America. This country was founded on the idea that you don't have to be your parents -- you can be anyone you want to be. For people to question this man's loyalty to our country, when his story -- his life -- are only made possible because he is an American is ... unpatriotic.

Keep on calling him names, though. I'm sure that will narrow the ever-widening gap in the polls.

Change is coming. Embrace it.

He's the one, alright

He's a terrorist, that's why!!

I guess GOP Barbie's showing at the debate last week has given her new-found confidence to run off at the mouth about more stuff she doesn't have a clue about.

While hanging out this weekend with the Englewood, Colo. GOP rich-folk ($1,000 per plate for breakfast, $2,500 to get your pic taken with Sarah, and $25,000 for early admission to have coffee with Sarah), Sarah said:

"Our opponent ... is someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect, imperfect enough, that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country. This is not a man who sees America like you and I see America," she said. "We see America as a force of good in this world. We see an America of exceptionalism."

She's referencing a supposed friendship with William Ayers, of the Vietnam-era Weather Underground. They're pals, she says, and that shows that Obama is an America-hating terrorist.

Obama is 47 years old. He was a child during Vietnam, and was born in 1961. The U.S.A. was a part of the war from 1963 until 1975. William Ayers has a professional and political history a mile long, but essentially he was an anti-Vietnam War era radical who participated in the bombings of New York City Police Headquarters in 1970, the United States Capitol building in 1971, and The Pentagon in 1972, as he noted in his 2001 book, Fugitive Days. Because of a water leak caused by the Pentagon bombing, aerial bombardments during the Vietnam War had to be halted for several days. None of the bombings resulted in deaths, though three of his compatriots died while making a bomb. In fact, the organization endeavored to make sure that bombings took place to damage property only, not to kill.

Unlike many reports to the contrary, Ayers strongly objected to the 2001 terrorist bombings/plane hijackings.

Ayers and Obama were personally acquainted because both served on the board of a anti-poverty charitable organization in the Chicago. They lived close to one another in the Hyde Park area of Chicago and also socialized in the same circles, but neither has described the other more than an acquaintance. Ayers donated $200 to Obama's reelection campaign to the Illinois State Senate in 2001.

Obama has issued statements that denounce Ayers' and his organization's violence in the past.

All of this information and more has been covered, in fact, flogged to death, in just about every single reputable media arena. Pick a national newspaper, and it was covered already. In fact, it was put to rest during the primaries.

But Swiftboat Sarah, our picture-perfect GOP Barbie, wants to keep wailing away on this subject. WHY? Because she's an idiot. Sorry, but she is. Anyone who would tell Katie Couric that she reads "all" of the newspapers but can't even name ONE is an idiot. If she actually did read those papers, she would have known about this issue and she wouldn't bring it up ... because it makes her sound like a GOP Barbie.

And if we really want to play the who-has-the-shadier-friends card, let's not forget John McCain's involvement with Charles Keating. McCain and his trust-funded, child-bride, trophy-wife Cindy were best friends with Keating and his wife. The McCains flew on the Keatings' private jet and enjoyed many vacations with them. Then when Keating's little savings and loan fiasco caught his n*ts in a wringer in 1989, Keating turned to his buddy Senator McCain for an intervention with federal investigators, McCain took the meeting. Yes, McCain is one of the Keating Five. Let's not pass over this -- Keating's insatiable greed led to the loss of nest eggs for 21,000 elderly Americans. The federal government seized Keating's S&L and was liable for $2 billion.

Keating went to prison for five years. McCain was reprimanded for poor judgment and reelected by the people of Arizona.

If anyone is going to call Obama a terrorist because he knows a former radical domestic terrorist who engaged in bombings to halt the infrastructure that was running and propagandizing the righteousness the Vietam War, then they'd better call McCain a thief, embezzler and felon because of his friendship with a man who bankrupted thousands and then had the audacity to blame the federal government for deregulating his industry.

The crappy thing is, there are thousands of Americans who will believe every exaggerated, untruthful, unsubstantiated word uttered against Barak Obama because it allows them to go on believing what they want. You don't have to abandon your core beliefs to recognize the truth. In fact, it's your beliefs that will assist you in seeing the truth!

We do have a lot of freedoms in this country. Unfortunately, one of them is the freedom to be STUPID. And that, apparently, is the "America of exceptionalism," that our cutie-pie Sarah is espousing.

She ROCKED that suit

On the debate:

1. She is GOP Barbie. Sarah rocked that black suit like nobody's business. And those red three-inch heels? I was dying for that whole outfit. She is a big fan of designers like Prada, Armani and Valentino. Curiously, Joe-six pack couldn't afford one of those suits at a last-season basement blow out sale. "Middle class like me!" Own it, sweetie! You're a far cry from the proletariat.

2. Retains like the Hoover Dam. That woman crammed more information into that well-coiffed head in two weeks than I did in the entirety law school. I am impressed by the volume of information she retained. Clearly she didn't know any of it three weeks ago during her diastrous tour on the interview circuit. And, I don't know ... I can memorize 100 or so talking points too, but that doesn't mean I possess the in-depth knowledge to manage those issues on a national or global level. Aw, heck, neither does our current president either, but I guess we're all doing better after eight years of a Bush White House than before, right?

3. Death and Taxes. I look at John McCain and think, this dude might not make it four more years. He is 72. He is a cancer survivor; he's had the lymph nodes removed in one side of his neck to prevent the spread of that skin cancer lesion he had on his temple. If he wins, he'll be the oldest first-term president in history. And, to his genetic credit, his mom is still kickin' at 96. On the other hand, if Barack is elected, at 46, he'll be the fifth youngest president ever. It has also crossed my mind that some second-amendment crazed "collector" might take out Barak. So who do I want as my next president: a seasoned senator with a grasp on our fundamental policies or GOP Barbie? Let's go dress her up in an evening gown and braid her hair!